Small miracle?

I forgot...when we were in Ethiopia for court we noticed that Kayla did not use her legs at all. Then we met with her doctor and he informed us that she had "no use of her legs" and that they were very concerned about this and had run tests to see if she even had muscles developing. We honestly left Ethiopia not knowing if Kayla would walk. We had high hopes because after just a few minutes of playing purposefully with her legs, she started to respond, but we just didn't know.

When we went back in December and put Kayla on the ground we were amazed that she would stay up on her hands and knees. Imagine our shock when she started crawling!

Now that we've been home three months, it's hard to remember how far she's come sometimes and not get irritated with how far she hasn't come. She's 16 months old and still not walking and she has very low muscle tone in her legs and stomach, so walking is a ways off yet. I would like to just be able to say "YES" to the 20 people a day that ask me if she's walking yet (okay, it's not really 20 a day, but it feels like it sometimes). I would also just like Kayla to walk and so I get frustrated sometimes with her lack of progress because I forgot.

I forgot that Kayla had no use of her legs just 5 months ago and that we did not know if she would walk. Last night I took Kayla to church with me to drop off the boys and someone noticed her progress and reminded me. This man who used to be in the Bible study group I led while we were waiting to go get Kayla said, "Wasn't she not supposed to be able to do that?" Do what, you ask. Just look. Look what my baby is doing these days!She is standing on her own for up to 30 seconds at a time and she is SO proud of herself when she does it. Tonight we started working on getting her to understand that she has to move her feet and she thought about it, she really did. It'll take a while for her to take that first step but I know, I KNOW, that she will. I don't know if this is a miracle or not, but it feels like one to me.

SOOOOO cute

Kayla is fun to photograph. She has a personality that is as cute as she is and she is such a happy little girl.

I just love the above picture of Kayla. She is such a goofball and she knows it!

More Children's Museum shots

These shots are from the CM in Stevens Point.

Don't be jealous. They played well together for about 1.5 minutes.

These two, on the other hand, could play together for hours.

Every time Kayla caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror she thought it was great. I think she is starting to understand just how cute she is! Oh boy...

Kayla loved playing with the magnets. I think she handed me the giraffe at least 50 times.

Climbing is highly encouraged by Kayla's physical therapist. You can just see the frustration and effort that she's putting in to get up the little ramp.

She made it!

My boys

When Chris and I were going to Ethiopia to meet Kayla I took some video clips of the boys singing to her so that she could see them in action. Reily accidentally fell down in one of the clips--his feet just slipped right out from under him. At the time, we made it a funny thing so he didn't get upset. Now, they think it's hilarious to replay that scene.

This clip was recorded this morning and I love it for a few reasons. I love their goofiness. I also love that Reily is about 10 seconds behind in picking a song and that he is completely oblivious to the fact that Gavin has already started a completely different song--you can watch his face and just see his mind working. I'm not sure why Gavin just sings the word "twinkle" over and over, but I suppose he was concentrating more on his awesome upcoming "fall" with eager anticipation than on song lyrics. These kids crack me up.

Oh, Reily...

Reily is a child that marches to the beat of his own drum and no one else can hear that drum or even begin to imagine what it might sound like. He keeps us all on our toes because if something isn't just right, he reacts and it's not always lovely. The older he gets, the more he's settling down though and I love that. Now he is problem solving without throwing a tantrum or demanding us to jump into action.

Today, he ran out of the socks that he likes best. We have at least 20 other pairs, but they weren't the type he likes. A couple of months ago, this would have led to an UGLY scene. Instead, I caught Reily running into our room with two napkins. I informed Chris that he'd better check into that because it's odd behavior and who knows what Reily could be up to. Chris came back to report that Reily had a perfectly logical explanation for the napkins. He was going to turn them into socks since he was out of the type that he liked. And, he did. He went to church with napkins wrapped around his feet inside of his shoes. This boy makes me smile!

Yep, they're held in place by stickers. I'll bet that felt great all through church!

Three month post placement

Kayla has been home just shy of three months, so we will be having another post placement visit tomorrow. We have to turn in photos of Kayla so that the powers that be in Ethiopia can follow up with her. We love this requirement, but sometimes it's a bit tricky to get the right photos--especially the one of the whole family. We tried!
We remembered to have this taken while my brother was over, but we snapped it quickly as the boys were on the way out the door to swim lessons (hence the crazy shirts). Kayla's not smiling and Gavin's face is partially cut off, but it's as good as it gets with three kids.

And this photo and HUGE smile should make up for the lack of smile in the family photo!

Such cute kiddos

This was my favorite outtake photo. It so clearly shows my kids' personalities. Reily (left) is always a second or two behind on knowing what's going on. Gavin (right) is obstinate--to put it nicely. Kayla (center) is always wondering what's going on around her and paying close attention. I adore these three.

Happy Birthday

Chris turned 32 this past week. We had a little birthday dinner to celebrate. It's always great to spend time with family.

Crazy Weekend

This past weekend was a bit nuts for us. We started off by having lunch in Eau Claire to celebrate my Grandma's birthday. Kayla got to meet quite a few people from my extended family. After lunch we took the boys to the Children's Museum in Eau Claire. Chris ran after the boys and I just stayed with Kayla in the toddler area--I had the camera so there are plenty of photos of her.
Kayla had a great time climbing around. She went over this bridge about 15 times. It was tough to get up, but she had fun sliding down.
She tried to climb up the slide, too. That didn't work.
Climbing in and out of the little boat was equally entertaining.

After Eau Claire, we piled into the van and headed to a friend's house north of the Twin Cities. It was great to see them.
Saturday we visited Como Zoo with two of my cousins and their families--LOTS of kids, included. This zebra was the best part. He pooed in front of us, proceeded to sniff it and then took a bite. We left the zebra alone after that.
Before heading home we made a stop at the Science Museum. The kids had a great time and slept a good chunk of the drive home. It was a crazy weekend, but a good weekend.

Kayla, Kayla, Kayla

This video is a little bit long, but I almost never post videos, so I figure I can get away with it! Kayla has been learning so many new things lately. She says a lot and does quite a few signs. Her newest word is book. Of course, it doesn't sound like book, but I know what she means and as you'll see she tries very hard to say it. She is such a happy little girl...enjoy!

March update

Well, I figured I'd better post some photos before people got too bored with nothing but words. I got my memory card out, got ready to upload some photos and I found 2 for the entire month of March. I guess being seriously sick for over two weeks has stinted my photo taking. Fortunately, we're all on the mend--finally!

Anyway, here's what I found:
We have several deer in our backyard quite often and turkeys almost daily. It's fun to see them so close and the boys love to spy them. They always insist that I take photos. I don't know how many photos I want of random deer and/or turkeys, but once in a while I oblige the boys. So, one of my two March photos is of a deer in our backyard. Lame.

Here is the other:
Roth, our oldest foster boy (from many years ago), got a new suit and insisted that his mom bring him over so that he could show me. He looks so handsome and grown up! He was so tiny and immature in every way when he moved in with us at the age of 9 (see comparison photo below). Now he's almost 17 and it is hard to believe that he is that old and can look this mature.

Roth is on the right. And, I'm going to stop thinking about this picture now before it totally derails my evening...

Because it made me laugh...

A friend posted this on facebook today and it made me laugh. Enjoy!

Sick Kids

Having sick kids sucks. There's really no other way to put that. Fortunately for me, I really haven't had sick kids very much. Gavin was never sick as a baby or toddler. He projectile vomitted once as a baby and then had a case of the pukes when he was about 4--that one was gross and all over the house. Reily had one cold as an infant and that was about it. We've had the standard coughing/runny noses, but nothing terribly miserable--certainly nothing that kept us housebound for more than a day or two.

Well, two weeks ago (when we were in the Dells, of course) Reily got sick and threw up a lot in the night. It was preceeded by a terrible cough. Fast forward one week...I have the cough and a terrible sore throat. This lasted about 5 days and just as it started to get better Gavin and Kayla developed the cough. Then, I got the head cold. I can't breathe. I keep sneezing and it hurts. Gavin coughed so much last night that he threw up. Reily is still coughing like he'd like to lose a lung. I thought Gavin had pinkeye, but I honestly think he just coughed so much that he looked like death warmed over. Kayla is coughing and has a runny nose (again!).

Yesterday, Kayla was whining during naptime. I went in her room to scold her and lay her back down and found her covered in blood! I just screamed for Chris. Her whole face was covered and there was a good sized pool in the crib, too. He took her and cleaned her up (thank GOD I am married to a nurse) and I cleaned up her room. He quickly found the source of the blood--just her nose--but this freaked me out! The best part was that she didn't even seem to notice or mind. She was just smiling away--probably thinking she pulled a fast one on us being up from nap so early.

Today, the kids are all still sick. They sound horrible. We're not leaving the house. I feel trapped, but I'm too icky feeling to do anything anyway.

Yes, having sick kids sucks (especially when mama is sick, too). Here's hoping Chris doesn't get whatever this is because we all know that having a sick husband might just be the worst yet.

Heavy Thoughts

I rarely post my heavy thoughts here and when I do, they never draw comments, so that makes me think people would prefer to see pictures of my beautiful kids than to learn what it is that I'm thinking about (and who can blame you, they are seriously cute kids), but tonight I'm writing what's been on my mind anyway. There will be no cute photos accompanying this post, so you can just stop reading now if that's all you come for! No offense taken, I promise (I won't even know).

Not all that long ago I came to the tough realization that I don't really enjoy my family. I think most people end up here at some point, but it was killing me. I was feeling really unhappy and down in the dumps. I honestly started wondering if I was suffering from depression, but that just didn't seem to fit. I am very good at analyzing myself if I just take the time to do it, so I took the time and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I didn't enjoy my family. I was in survival mode. You know...how long 'til nap time, how long 'til lunch, how long 'til bed time? Those were my thoughts--just get through the segments of the day and then the next day is the same thing all over again. Except, I don't want to live that way. So, since I came to this realization I have been doing my best to enjoy my family, at least for part of each day. Trust me, I'm still in survival mode quite a bit--I have three kids under the age of 6 (one who constantly has to be in charge, one who has had a negative reaction to our adoption and one who was adopted internationally). Sometimes, survival is the best I can do, but I'm working on it. I don't always want to be in survival mode. I want to enjoy Gavin and his creativity. I want to enjoy Reily and his stories. I want to get to know Kayla better and enjoy her social, playful personality.

Speaking of...I have hit yet another realization when it comes to Kayla. I finally have the love for her that I have for my boys. It's nice. I struggled with her baby-ness for the first two months that she was home. I didn't want a baby. Her baby-ness annoyed me and seriously wore on me. I think it's a big part of what pushed me into constant survival mode. I have decided that I need to embrace her baby-ness. This too shall pass and we are truly fortunate to have gotten her at this age so that we have more time to get to know her, influence her, overcome attachment issues, etc... I am doing my best to just adore her and give her the best part of me. She is a remarkable little person and I'm really enjoying her. She is amazing--such a resilient little person, so strong and so pleasant. She is a baby, but she is a great baby. She sleeps through the night, she uses the toilet, she eats anything we put in front of her, she does her absolute best to communicate with us and she'll even play alone for a few minutes. I honestly don't think babies come much better than her. I am in love (most of the time)!

As for Chris, I also want to figure out how to enjoy him. That's going to be a little tougher to figure out. I have loads of time with my kids, but time with Chris is very limited. Still, this should be my number one goal, so I'm trying.

Okay, so those are the heavy thoughts. Not so bad, right? I'm glad I realized these things. I'm sure I'll slump back into survival mode in my lifetime, but for now I'm glad to be crawling out of that hole. It's better than not surviving, but barely.

Some not so heavy thoughts...I'm headed to Dallas! Kayla and I are going to Dallas to see old friends, new friends and to meet some online friends. The adoption world is a small and very connected one. There are many wonderful people who walked through our adoption with us and they were a wonderful support through the process because they fully understood what we were going through. The person I connected most with online lives in Dallas. She adopted a little girl just one month older than Kayla right around the same time that we adopted Kayla. We were stuck in the process together and communicated a lot. We had hoped to meet in Ethiopia, but since that didn't happen, I decided to go to Dallas. Added bonuses are that one of my best friends from college recently moved to Dallas, so I get to see her too. And, the woman that traveled with us for both Ethiopia trips to adopt her little boy lives about 1.5 hours from Dallas and we'll also be able to spend quite a bit of time with them. We may get to meet one other adoptive mama and her little girl--this mama checked in in Kayla for me while we were stuck in adoption limbo last summer/fall. It's going to be a crazy trip, but wonderful. I can't wait. I just booked my ticket tonight--which I was able to get with airline miles thanks to two round trip flights to Ethiopia! Kayla will be joining me since she still flies free and I can't wait to get all these kiddos back together--they were all at the same care center in Addis. How fun to keep that connection for them! So, if you're disappointed in the lack of photos in this post, I can guarantee you that after that trip, there will be enough to make up for it!