Just thinking...

All of my life I wanted to know my biological family. My adoptive family was everything a kid could ever hope for--maybe more--but I still wanted to know where I came from. I just always felt like a little something was missing. Meeting so many members of my biological family has been pretty wonderful (for the most part). It definitely filled the void I always felt.

Growing up, I always felt a little different from my parents. Now, most people would never guess that I was adopted. I don't look that different from my family--we all have similar hair and eye colors (and skin color, for that matter). Sometimes, I even act like certain members of my adoptive family (mostly my mom and I'm not too ashamed to admit that!), but I think it is more in may mannerisms that anything.

This past week, I got to spend some time with my paternal biological family members and it was really neat, but it got me thinking...how much of our personality really is nature vs. nurture? My kids don't have my eye color or Chris'. Gavin has the same eyes as my bio-dad. Reily has red hair, that apparently comes from that family, as well. It was fun to compare physical traits since those obviously come from my biological family and not my adoptive family, but really, what about personality? I have a STRONG one. Stronger than either of my parents (and that's saying a lot if you know my mom!). In getting to know my biological family members, I see where my personality comes from--in a good way. I definitely have some of the same tendencies that my mom and dad have and have learned to handle situations similarly, but my personality--the root of who I am and why I do what I do and feel how I feel--I really think comes from my biological family. There are too many similarities to ignore. So, nature vs. nurture is really more of a nature + nurture for sure.

Why am I thinking about this? Well, I am really wanting to know this little girl of mine and I'm wondering how much of me will she take on. How much of her biological mother and father will I get to see in her? Honestly, we should have the opportunity to meet her biological mother while we are in Ethiopia and I am so grateful for that--though it will be difficult, for sure. Still, to be able to present my daughter with a snapshot of the mother who carried her and gave her up rather than let her die, the mother she looks like and acts like, will be priceless to my daughter one day. I will be so happy to be that link to her void. I hope I can get a sense for who her birth mother is and what she is like so that maybe I can figure out what I'm in for!

I wonder...if my parents had that snapshot into my future before they adopted me, would they still have adopted me? I don't think I was the easiest kid to raise in a lot of ways. But, I'm mostly kidding. I don't think they would trade one moment that they had with me--well, maybe a few moments, but not the experience overall.

I hope my daughter gets a few things from me. I hope she has the same view of adoption that I've always had. I hope that she gets my strength and self-confidence. I hope that she has the same sense of value that I have. I also hope that she gets some things from her birth mother. I hope that she has her ability to give birth (I lack here). I hope that she also has her strength--she has a strength I don't know that I would have if I were in her shoes. I hope that she has her braveness.

I guess we'll just hope for a healthy mixture of nature + nurture. It's really a huge gamble, but I'm so ready to take it! Come on baby girl, mommy wants you home.