Adoption Thoughts

As long as I can remember, I have always wanted to adopt. I remember being in college and seeing commercials for special needs and older kids that needed to be adopted and I would try to figure out if it was feasible for me to adopt them. I was thrilled when Chris told me he was open to adoption--I wouldn't have married him if he hadn't been open to it. Adopting was not an option for me, it was THE option. When we decided to become parents, we went about it in a rather unconventional way and decided to do foster care to adopt. Of course, we all know how that turned out...it didn't result in adoption, but I ended up pregnant twice in the middle of all that and I now have 4 boys in my heart (side note: Roth will be 16 in July, which is crazy!).

Last spring, Chris and I decided it was time to dive head first into adoption again, hoping for different results this time around. We decided to go a completely different route to help guarantee different results. Eventually, we settled on Ethiopia, breezed through our paperwork and were approved. Waiting, waiting, waiting...a year later and we have a little girl thousands of miles away just waiting for us to come and get her and you'd think I would be in my glory realizing that my dream should shortly be a reality. Instead, I keep playing this saga out in my mind.

This could be a royal disaster. We have to fly to Ethiopia twice now and something could happen to us leaving our boys without parents. Financially, this is tapping every resource we have and putting all future dreams on further hold. I keep hearing attachment nightmares from other adoptive parents that are honestly scaring me a little bit. This shouldn't scare me, I mean we parented a kid who had reactive attachment disorder for 2 1/2 years and we still have a real connection with him--though different from the one I have with my other kids, it's real. I can handle smaller attachment issues with my hands tied behind my back after all we went through with Roth and Dera. Or can I? I'm older, I'm definitely more tired--I've loved and lost two children, I have been pregnant twice and have two terribly busy little boys that will be affected by this adoption, Chris and I rarely see one another and parenting is done in shifts rather than as a team, really. I'm not saying that I want to back down from this challenge, but I can definitely see, for the first time in my life, why adoption is not for everyone. I also understand why other adoptive parents tell us that they are proud of us for embarking on this journey. It takes a lot of courage, an abundance of patience and a really incredible support team. I have two of the three...this one might finally teach that patience God has been trying to beat into my head for almost 32 years. Maybe...

Just my thoughts for the day. If you have ever given a thought to adoption, make sure you pray about it a lot and let God lead. This is one adventure that is not to be entered into lightly.