August

August was a full month.

Some great friends from Rice Lake visited and our boys had a great time with their son. We visited the zoo and, as always, feeding the geese was the favorite activity (yuck)!
My boy loves to climb.

We took a trip to MN to see friends and Chris' family. The boys enjoyed the zoo.

Cousin Kacey was there, too.

We were able to see the butterfly exhibit for the first time. It was great! Gavin tried to catch one the entire time we were there. At the very end, this beauty landed on his hat.

Part of the new polar bear exhibit. Chris had to drag Reily out of this one--kicking and screaming. It was WAY past naptime and time to leave.

He was even too tired to walk all the way to the car. Thank goodness he has such a nice daddy.

Of course, there was some swimming. Uncle Scott got to be the "jet ski".

And, one final trip to the beach before school started.

The boys figured out they could eat in the water. Apparently, this was the most fun two kids could have--until Reily forgot he had a cookie in his hand and fully submerged it.

Here we go...

Well, posting about my own feeling of laziness got me going. I HATE feeling lazy. I have one hour to sit here and just watch TV (sadly, a favorite pasttime). I have decided to not be completely lazy and update my blog, as well as enjoy some mind numbing TV.

Lazy, but busy mama

Well, I feel lazy. I have great pictures to post of the boys, but just can't seem to get around to it. It takes time to move them from camera to computer and the part I need is downstairs--I'm just lazy. I'll get to it and then the world will have plenty of cute photos to look at! Maybe next week...

The good news is that this week has been so busy, that it hasn't nearly been the bummer I thought it would be. The next 2 1/2 weeks are going to be equally busy. Maybe after that I'll have time to breathe, but probably not because then I'll have to get started on preparing for our trip! 7 weeks to go. We can't wait!

Bummer

This is just going to be a bummer of a week. It's adoption related--timing issues. I don't need anything specific. Eventually, I will buck up and make it through the next 57 days until I get to meet my own daughter. So far, the count down is actually going fairly quickly, so that's good. Here's to better days...

Well...

That was fast! Thank you to everyone who has been praying for our little girl. God has already answered our prayers in a big way. There is a mom currently in Ethiopia picking up her child and thanks to the wonders of the internet, she knew that we were concerned and was able to check in on Kayla for us. She was also able to speak with the head nurse about some of our concerns and this nurse is no longer concerned about Kayla and stated that she is making progress in some of the areas where she had previously regressed. I guess a lot can change in 23 days (that's how old the report was). So, a big PRAISE GOD for peace of mind. Panic has left the building--at least for now!

We did find out she has some hair on her head. Good news since I've been buying hair bows like crazy and all her pictures make her look completely bald. I cannot wait to see her myself, but for now it's nice to know that other moms can see her for me. We know of someone going about every other week from now until the time we get to go. Hopefully we'll be able to get a few good little reports from them.

Keep the prayers coming. They're definitely working! 57 days until we leave.

Not great....

Well, we got a new report on our girl and it was, at the very least, not great. She likely has rickets. It won't kill her, but if it's not one thing, it's another. She isn't meeting a single developmental milestone, but she was examined at 9 months, 2 weeks on a 9-11 month scale, so that's not so bad. There were some disconcerting remarks about her attachments and physical development that are causing some concern, however. She has actually regressed in certain areas and that's never good. The last report we received was shortly before the bacterial meningitis. The most recent report was completed one month after her illness. Our agency is going to look into this further and see if they can get a doctor to see Kayla. One mom going to Ethiopia soon has offered to examine her--she's a doctor--so hopefully our agency will allow that, just for our peace of mind. I'm just so ready to have this baby girl home.

As previously stated, I am a complete control freak, so when stuff like this happens and I have absolutely no control, it's tough. To make matters a bit worse, the families who had their paperwork in the same envelope with ours are traveling in the next few weeks to bring their kids home...I don't know why we got left out of that group, but it's going to be at least 3-4 months before our baby makes it home and that hits hard when a report like this comes through. Why post all this? I don't know--it's good to get it out of my head, I guess. Also, I know we have friends, family and complete strangers that will read this and say a prayer for our baby girl. We greatly appreciate that.

Oh, and it's our 9th anniversary today. Hard to believe that we've only been married for 9 years. It seems as though we've already lived through enough to turn anyone gray. Here's hoping the next 9 are a little less dramatic...but then, Chris married me and I can't seem to stand having a "normal" life, so I'm sure the next 9 will be filled with just as much adventure.

Tickets Purchased (kind of)!

Well, I booked our tickets today. We leave in 64 days! It's a 22 hour trip from take off to landing with two stops in between. This makes it seem so real. Crazy.

The best part...someone else paid for the tickets!!! Chris' dad was willing to help us book the tickets using his airline miles, but after checking into it, it just wasn't going to work out. So, he offered to just buy them. We were not expecting that. We are very grateful.

The most amazing part...we haven't had to pay 1 penny towards this second trip. We knew that when we found out that we'd have to travel twice that God would provide and He most certainly has. Of course.

Updates

I decided to update our blog a little bit. I put tickers with our kids birthdates and added our adoption timeline on the right hand side. I can't believe how many specific dates I remembered off the top of my head. I also can't believe how quickly we got our paperwork done for our homestudy and our dossier. Our referral was crazy fast, once we switched agencies and we had our I171-H in record setting time. Still, this process seems to be taking FOREVER and has had so many delays. At least I know it's not my fault!

One of THOSE days.

Well, it's time, it's one of those days again...but it's actually been a pretty long time since I've had one of THOSE days. They used to come about every two weeks, but it's been well over a month (according to past blog posts) Still, it has just been one of those days. It's a tough adoption day. I don't know how else to put it. This journey is tough. I've known that there is a little girl 1/2 way around the world just waiting for me for almost 3 1/2 months. I have yet to meet her, but I know I love her and I long for her. I can't even imagine how I'm going to feel in the weeks between her court date--when we meet her and leave her behind--until we can go back to Ethiopia to bring her home!

Today, because things have actually progressed, because she is healthy (as far as we know) and because we have our court date set, it's not nearly as bad as some of my tough adoption days have been. There are no tears, there is no anger. Sure, I'm a little crabby (poor Chris--it's mostly with him), but for the most part I'm just sad. I miss my baby girl. My family doesn't feel quite complete. I want to hold her. I want to love on her. I want her to know that she is loved.

I'm sure I'll be fine in the morning, but I just hate days like this.

Adoption...

One simple word brings so many different thoughts and feelings up for people. This ranges from those who have never thought about it, encountered it or considered it (no feelings at all) to those that have adopted 28 children from all different walks of life (LOTS of passion about the topic).

What does adoption make me think about? It makes me think about my birth and my birth mother. It makes me think about my parents (this thought makes me smile). It makes me think about the loss and disconnect I felt through my growing up years--though minimal and not terribly traumatic, it was real and it did shape who I am. It makes me think of the completeness I felt upon meeting my birth mother--and eventually my birth father and his family. It makes me think about Roth and Dera (this thought does not make me smile). It makes me think about our pending adoption and about our little girl, of course.

Strangely, I also find myself wondering some things about adoption. Is adoption always the best option for the child/birth family? Are all adoptions ethical? The answer is a definite "no", so what does someone who has had a passion to adopt for 30 years do with that information? How does one process the negative stories and the nightmares that you hear about adoption?
I have certainly had the thought that perhaps our $30,000 would have done more good if we had just somehow donated it to the region our daughter was from so that she could stay with her birth family. Still, given her story, I do believe that adoption was the best option for our little girl and that she needed a family who was passionate and educated about adoption--us.

In the future, I would like to see more options for birth families--especially in other countries. I would like to KNOW that the birth family truly felt that adoption was the best option and one they were at peace with when placing their child for adoption. I, for one, cannot imagine looking at my child and facing two options:
1. I keep my child and he/she likely dies.
2. I place my child up for adoption and he/she lives, but I will never see him/her again.

I wouldn't want to make either one of those choices and I am so grateful that I do not live in a country where I will ever be faced with those choices. I ache for my baby girl's birth mother and I hope that she is at peace with her decision (but I truly can't imagine how she would be).

What's the answer? Who knows! Adoption is a word that brings up so many different thoughts and feelings for so many people. For me, it is honestly 100% positive. I just hope my baby girl feels the same way one day.

By the way, we will be meeting her in 75 more days.

Zoo with Friends

We got to spend some time at a nearby zoo with some good friends who were visiting from out of town (McKenya and family, if you know who they are). The kids all had a great time, especially when we celebrated all four of their birthdays with gifts!

Swimming Lessons

Since we spend so much time in the water--you may wonder if we do anything else during the summer months based on our blog photos--my mom decided that Gavin HAD to have swimming lessons this summer. I'm glad she insisted. He did great and really enjoyed it.

Cottage

Hanging out at the cottage is especially fun on a sunny weekend. The boys had a great time in the water (as always) and we even got to take Roth with us.

Family Visit

Part of my biological family came to visit. I didn't take as many pictures as I should have (only got my grandparents), but here are a few. It as great seeing everyone--my grandparents, two aunts and an uncle. I love having them in my life and obviously the boys do, too.

Swimming

Cute goggle boys! I love Reily's ears.
This is the little girl we had for 10 days in July. They kids LOVED the water, we were happy to take them anywhere that they were all happy.

Picture Game

See if you can spot at least 5 differences between the pictures. Remember that game? Really though, no "comments" necessary :)

News!!!

Well, we have a court date. We will be meeting our girl in 79 days and going to court to adopt her in 80 (October 26). Of course, none of this is final and it could change, but they're telling us to buy plane tickets, so...here goes nothin'!

Also, we got a medical report on Kayla last week and it stated that she has "gazing eyes which are filled with laughter. She also has a beautiful smile." This goes along with what the photos of her show. The report also states that "she seems an observer". Hmmmm...maybe a little like our Gavin--I can handle that!

She's still tiny--like 1oth percentile for weight and height, but that's actually pretty good for Ethiopian babies while they're still in care centers there. She is definitely 100th percentile for cuteness.

There you have it, the latest news on our girl.

My Perspective

When you choose to adopt, the reason really isn't anyone's business but your own. But when you choose to adopt, often you end up putting yourself in a situation to stick out like a sore thumb--say, if you're a completely Caucasian couple who chooses to adopt from Ethiopia. People will notice, people will stare, people will decide that your life is their business and will ask questions. So many adoptive parents cannot figure out how to best respond to this type of situation that I wanted to offer my perspective.

My perspective comes from being adopted myself and from parenting a bi-racial family once before that stuck out like a sore thumb and as someone who is preparing to be asked a lot of these types of questions again soon. So...what is my perspective?

Honestly, I think people need to relax a little more about this issue and see it as an opportunity to educate the world about adoption. If you have chosen adoption, chances are, you think it is a great option. If people want to ask you questions, try not being offended (which is really hard sometimes), but try to see their questions as your opportunity to share how wonderful adoption can truly be. Don't be offended for your child, use the moment to teach your child to be proud of how they came into your family. I'm adopted and I LOVE this fact. I have never wanted to hide it or just blend in so that people wouldn't know. I wasn't ashamed of my adoption and I have always loved it when people wanted to know more--it excites me to answer questions about adoption. If my parents had chosen to get all offended or answer in snappy ways, my attitude about adoption probably would have been more shameful. I think my parents were proud of the fact that I was adopted, too, and so that's the attitude I grew up with.

People get all offended when they're asked how much they paid for their child...why? I was bought and paid for and I'm totally cool with that. I mean, you can certainly rephrase the answer so that it doesn't sound like your child was purchased off of a store shelf, but maybe the person asking just wants an education and I say that even if they don't, give them one. I always love informing people that not all adoptions cost money--that there are free options and even options where you can get paid to provide care for certain children. If you're going to ask me a question, you will get an education!

Whenever I see a family that was obviously created through adoption, I want to ask them a million questions, but knowing that so many people get offended by this, I don't ask questions. Why? My questions shouldn't be offensive, I would be asking with the right heart, but I don't want to offend and people choose to be so sensitive. So, I just want to make a suggestion to all adoptive parents out there...choose not to be offended immediately by adoption related questions. You will do more damage by responding in a defensive way than if you answer happily, with a smile on your face and choose to see each question as an opportunity to educate. Also, I have decided that if I see someone staring at my "obvious" family, I am going to smile and say "hi". That way, if they have a question they're dying to ask, I hope that will open the door. I would urge other adoptive parents who want to spread the good news that adoption is a great option to do the same! Let's educate the world, people. Honestly, most people are pretty ignorant about adoption--I know I've received one heck of a crash course through this process and what good is that knowledge if I don't share it? Now, of course there are some situations that don't deserve an answer and sometimes you just need to stare blankly until you can get away because the question or comment was only meant to be offensive, but for the most part, people ask out of true curiosity and probably want an education. If not, and you choose to give an educational answer, I'll bet you the person won't ask anymore questions and the problem will be solved.

Some ideas:

• Your daughter is beautiful, where is she from? -She was born in Ethiopia and we are from _______, Wisconsin.

• Is your little girl adopted? -Yes, she was. Are you interested in adopting?

• Why did you choose to adopt? -Honestly, we believe that God calls all those who can to care for the orphans and we wanted to add to our family. Seemed like a win-win.

• How much did you pay for your daughter? -Less than it cost to deliver my son! She received great care while we were in the process of adopting her--that is what we paid for. She was worth every penny.

• Why would you adopt a black child? -Why not? Color makes no difference to me.

This is just my perspective. Obviously, people are entitled to have very different opinions and handle questions like these differently, if they so choose, but I thought that hearing from an adult adoptee might be a helpful perspective to have. I plan to educate as many people as possible on the topic of adoption. Join me?

Just thinking...

All of my life I wanted to know my biological family. My adoptive family was everything a kid could ever hope for--maybe more--but I still wanted to know where I came from. I just always felt like a little something was missing. Meeting so many members of my biological family has been pretty wonderful (for the most part). It definitely filled the void I always felt.

Growing up, I always felt a little different from my parents. Now, most people would never guess that I was adopted. I don't look that different from my family--we all have similar hair and eye colors (and skin color, for that matter). Sometimes, I even act like certain members of my adoptive family (mostly my mom and I'm not too ashamed to admit that!), but I think it is more in may mannerisms that anything.

This past week, I got to spend some time with my paternal biological family members and it was really neat, but it got me thinking...how much of our personality really is nature vs. nurture? My kids don't have my eye color or Chris'. Gavin has the same eyes as my bio-dad. Reily has red hair, that apparently comes from that family, as well. It was fun to compare physical traits since those obviously come from my biological family and not my adoptive family, but really, what about personality? I have a STRONG one. Stronger than either of my parents (and that's saying a lot if you know my mom!). In getting to know my biological family members, I see where my personality comes from--in a good way. I definitely have some of the same tendencies that my mom and dad have and have learned to handle situations similarly, but my personality--the root of who I am and why I do what I do and feel how I feel--I really think comes from my biological family. There are too many similarities to ignore. So, nature vs. nurture is really more of a nature + nurture for sure.

Why am I thinking about this? Well, I am really wanting to know this little girl of mine and I'm wondering how much of me will she take on. How much of her biological mother and father will I get to see in her? Honestly, we should have the opportunity to meet her biological mother while we are in Ethiopia and I am so grateful for that--though it will be difficult, for sure. Still, to be able to present my daughter with a snapshot of the mother who carried her and gave her up rather than let her die, the mother she looks like and acts like, will be priceless to my daughter one day. I will be so happy to be that link to her void. I hope I can get a sense for who her birth mother is and what she is like so that maybe I can figure out what I'm in for!

I wonder...if my parents had that snapshot into my future before they adopted me, would they still have adopted me? I don't think I was the easiest kid to raise in a lot of ways. But, I'm mostly kidding. I don't think they would trade one moment that they had with me--well, maybe a few moments, but not the experience overall.

I hope my daughter gets a few things from me. I hope she has the same view of adoption that I've always had. I hope that she gets my strength and self-confidence. I hope that she has the same sense of value that I have. I also hope that she gets some things from her birth mother. I hope that she has her ability to give birth (I lack here). I hope that she also has her strength--she has a strength I don't know that I would have if I were in her shoes. I hope that she has her braveness.

I guess we'll just hope for a healthy mixture of nature + nurture. It's really a huge gamble, but I'm so ready to take it! Come on baby girl, mommy wants you home.

Some News

Well, our paperwork has FINALLY been submitted to the courts in Ethiopia. The courts are closing from August 6-September 27, so we won't be able to go for court until October, but this is still good news. At least our paperwork has been submitted and the courts now have it. Hopefully before they close they'll let us know when our court date is going to be in October--we're thinking towards the end of that month.

Keep on praying for our little one, please. Pray that she stays healthy during her remaining months in Ethiopia. Pray that our court date is scheduled for October and that everything that needs to happen before that does happen. Also, please pray that we'll have her home for Christmas. We'd all really like to see that happen! We received 7 new pictures this week and she looks great, but it is hard to watch her grow up in pictures.

Water park?

So, I took today off so that we could take the boys to a nearby water park for some summer fun. Who knew the water park would end up being in my basement! Ugh. Sump pump failed at the EXACT wrong time and this is the result.

Gavin found it very fun to clean up with his boots on. We sent Reily off with one of my sisters because he would not have been helpful.

This is Chris stepping on the corner of the wooden flooring. Water just whooshes out. It's actually almost funny. Almost.

4th of July

Papa likes to put on a fireworks show for the boys. They love it, even if it is raining!

Random

We love playing in the water.

The boys think they are superstars. I just think they're cute!

Seriously cute!

They wanted to model a couple of bows that I purchased online for Kayla. Seriously, it was their idea.

Baby Girl

Well, the baby is out of the hospital--has been since July 5, we're told. I guess she is doing well, so that's good news. Our paperwork still has not been processed, though many other families from our agency have been processed, so maybe it's only a matter of days. But, then we've been told that for about 5 weeks now, so we'll just have to see.

We did receive some new pictures from a family that was in Ethiopia recently and had a chance to interact with her there. It was fun to get the updated pictures, since the only two we have are over three months old. A lot changes from 4 months to almost 8 months of age. She's still cute,completely bald, and VERY skinny. I wish I could share them with everyone, but then we'd risk losing her, so I'd better keep them to myself for now.

Thanks for all the prayers. Keep 'em coming. I have found myself in a strange place lately--I've run out of words to pray for this situation.

We're keeping a friend's little girl for 10 days. We're 5 days in and so far, so good. It's actually easier with her here than when she's gone. She's a novelty to the boys, so they just play with her, pretty nicely, for hours--in the basement, no less. (How long do you think it'll take for that to wear off once the third child is their sister?) I'll have to snap some pictures of the three stinkers at some point. Pics of the boys coming soon! We've got some cute ones from the 4th.

It's true

I have often said that no matter how bad you have it, someone else always has it worse. It's not that this give you permission to feel superior to anyone else, but it does help to keep things in perspective. As cruddy as things get, I have my health, my loved ones are all still living and healthy, I have two children who are incredibly healthy and happy and I have a wonderful husband. Things could certainly be worse.

Take today, for instance. We just found out that what is ACTUALLY holding our case up is the fact that in the 67 days that Ethiopia has had our paperwork, they have failed to translate it. This should typically take 2-3 days. We were told at the beginning of May that the staff in Ethiopia had done all that they could to get our case submitted so that we would only have to travel once. Obviously not true. Two weeks ago, we were told that there were only a couple of very minor items missing from our file and then our case would be submitted soon. Well, if our paperwork hasn't been translated yet, it wasn't translated then either, so again...not true. This news--cruddy. But, at least 4 other families working with our agency just found out TODAY that they cannot travel to pick up the children that are already legally theirs TOMORROW as they were supposed to. Some change has occurred in Ethiopia only allowing 5 children to be processed per day instead of the usual 10. Our news was cruddy for sure, but these 4 (maybe more) families have it much worse than we do. I mean, we don't have any hope of making it to Ethiopia this summer anyway, so another delay really isn't going to hurt us, but these families were ready to go. Their kids here were prepared for their parents to be gone, some were even flying in a relative to care for their children in their absence. This is sheer insanity. I cannot imagine being one of those families. I'll take the news we got any day over that news. It helped put my news in perspective, definitely. Bummed for everyone stuck in this process. What a mess. Please pray for us, for our little girl (who is still in the hospital as far as we know) and for all the families caught in this disaster. I'm just sad for them and maybe a little for us.

Inspite of it all...

We are bound and determined to enjoy our summer with the boys no matter what the latest news out of Ethiopia is. So, Wednesday afternoon, we had a great time at a nearby waterpark and an outdoor concert. The boys loved it. I wore sunglasses (and made sure to take pictures, not be in them) all afternoon--hides the crying eyes, you know?

You're not supposed to bring snacks into the waterpark, but we're pinching pennies, so we did. This was Gavin's idea for being sneaky. You can tell he's rather proud of the idea! Chris was a good sport. Trust me, no one really cares if you have snacks or not. There was no need to hide.

BY THE WAY...Yesterday, we got another report on the baby. It actually had loads of details in it, unlike the first shocker. Sounds like she's doing well and is predicted to recover fully. Thank God for small miracles! We still have no idea when we'll get to her, but we'll keep you posted.